Suicide for Dummies.

[Aaron Burr]

O.K. so you drive a Prius, practice yoga, eat organic, and voted early for Obama. What's left? Seriously. There is no way you could possibly top this moment. In fact, the longer you live, the greater chance you'll have of spoiling it by doing a million mundane things that will blur your memory of how self satisfied you feel right now. Or worse, Godbama will fail to live up to his messianic image. Don't risk it. Hold on to your smugness. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, the reason you feel this way is because you have fulfilled your purpose in life. Biology is trying to tell you that it's time to start healing precious mother earth by replacing all those minerals you've been such a good steward of, so far. Don't worry about the political process, we'll take it from here.

So which method is best for you? No one can say for sure, so your best bet would be to try as many ways as you can. Mix and match suicide methods until you find the way that's right for you. We won't be judgmental, we don't have to be. I have heard though, that it's pretty tough to fit the hunting rifle in the gas oven, so if your thinking of pulling a pimped out Sylvia Plath, you might want to go with dynamite.

If you can, try to talk as many of your friends as you can into suicide as well. Spelling out "Obama08" with your bodies would be the most effective political message ever seen, on YouTube. He'd be sure to Change the World then. The point is, you still have one last job to do. The most important job you'll ever have. The best part? It's all about you. After all, who's suicide is it? Yours of course, so make the most of it.

Don't forget to leave a note blaming AmeriKKKa. We forward all it's mail.

[Shaitana]

Priceless.

[Aaron Burr]

I hope not, even in my salad days I was worth 12 cents a word.