Hello my Evil Conservatives

[IronSmith]

Came across this site and I like what I see! Hope to get to know you all a little better, looks like this is just my kind of place and people.

[Extreme6]

Welcome.
Now go to all posts by someone called JJJ....JeuJJohn or something, I don't really pay attention so I don't remember, and insult him.
This is your initiation.
It's fun too.

[Aaron Burr]

Welcome to Evils off Broadway production of Les Misérables. Enjoy the show and feel free to join us in our never ending quest to rob old people of their prescription medications.

We're also planning on destroying our hated enemy, the Sun. It's just too much competition for our brand of NuculurTm power.

[Aaron Burr]

I swear, IronSmith must be on the biggest bender in recorded history. Not even William Howard Taft could keep up with this guy.

I'm thinking of choosing him at random to begin this seasons round of character assassinations. As you can see, I've already started by making suggestions regarding his current, and/or constant state of inebriation.

Dude could be in jail though, so it's not like I'm saying he's an alcoholic or anything. I'm just drawing the most logical conclusion.

[Dont tread on me]

I believe that you Mr.Burr scare some of the less than completely evil ones away or he could be incarcerated or just plan trashed.I personally hope you postpone your trip on the pleasure saucer I find your rants quite amusing

[Aaron Burr]

Hhhmmm. When I look up at the top of the page, it says this, Do you like to yell at poor people while driving your SUV to the country club? Have you ever considered eating a baby? Well my friend you are a bonafied Evil Conservative. This site gives non-pansy Conservatives a place to Plot and Scheme.

When I read that, I thought, "This is me all over."

I know there are many Conservative forums out there for good, honest, hard working folks who don't need one more smart ass in their lives. But there are also some of us living in places that defy description on some days. Although, to be fair, the denizens of where I live are pretty good at describing us. Not accurately of course, but so incessantly that fighting back can become a full time job. Who has time for that? I'd rather take their assumptions about us and exaggerate them a little and throw it back in their faces. It never fails to stun them for a moment or two. It's hilarious. So absurdity for us becomes a release valve for tensions that would otherwise be released through bitching and moaning. I don't bitch and moan, I'd rather humiliate my antagonists (the Libs). Or at least make myself laugh.

Also, if IronSmith is indeed intoxicated with some some substance, possibly alcohol based, possibly some other depressant or opioid, (I'm just sayin'.) then his lunch money is fair game, right? And any pirate maps he may have, I'm calling dibs on. You can keep any gold medallions, hoop earrings and/or body piercings.

And if we at some point decide to sell his earthly remains for small, unmarked bills, I know a guy with a van.

[Dont tread on me]

Amen to your admirable purposes Mr. Burr. Do you suppose iron smith has a ship to sail on your quest for pirate treasure in his estate? Spanish gold coins will do for me and my apprentice Evil Conservatives would take great pleasure in gold hoops and piercings.

[Aaron Burr]

I'm sure any vessel, vehicle or aircraft, maybe even the vast and sprawling estate and/or charming Chateau owned by the former Mr. IronSmith has long since been seized and destroyed by Federal drug enforcement agencies. Or so says the 200 hundred page long criminal indictment that may or may not be even now, speeding its way into the hands of sadistic and cruel bounty hunters who only accept payment in platinum Krugerrands for finishing the job.

No, no, my thinking was to keep the map, and it's promise of incalculable riches, out of the hands of the truly needy. I would go looking for the pirate booty myself, but consider the source. IronSmith may or may not have overdosed from an accidental ingestion of a ball of Chinese opium. The green kind. Maybe he thought it was a meatball. I don't know. All I'm saying is that you can't trust junkies.

Before we even consider riffling through his personal possessions, which might consist mostly of sticky copies of the Communist Manifesto after all, we should check him out for booby traps. My advice is to hire some street urchins to poke his bloated and corrupt body with extra sharp sticks for a while. I wouldn't put it past him to have faked his own death and substituted a flatulent and sweaty robot to take the subsequent multiple count felony rap. I don't know about you, but junkie robots have given me nothing but trouble in the past. Maybe we should bury him first and wait a while. You know, just to be sure.

I hope to Hell you have a back up plan in case we end up having to deal with a drug addled cyborg zombie pirate.

[Dont tread on me]

Good grief what was I thinking Its a good thing I can count on you to be the voice of reason in these delicate situations. And to think I might have placed my evil apprentices in harms way. We must come up with a truly well thought out plan.

[Aaron Burr]

We may be getting ahead of ourselves. First we need to establish IronSmiths whereabouts. He may not be lying face down in some filthy alley with his pockets stuffed full of prescription medication and Flintstone chewable vitamins.

What if the guy is holed up in some shack in Idaho working on his manifesto? I'm not trying to imply he's some extremist anti-government survivalist type that has dozens of hidden weapon caches strategically located around his "compound". What I'm trying to get at is that speed and isolation usually result in dangerous paranoia, so having fully automatic weapons loaded with armor piercing rounds just lying around probably isn't a good idea. Or legal.

So do we rat IronSmith out to the Feds, or do we somehow wheedle the secret location of his alleged stash of Nazi gold bars out of him in exchange for our continued silence about who he might, or might not have chained up in his basement. As much as I like the guy, I'd hate to have to go through such a sordid ordeal simply to have enough loose change on hand to to keep my own Evil and treacherous bulk out of the U.N. crimes against humanities kangaroo courts.

Maybe that's where he is. We should start by checking with Interpol, Bangkok Secret Police, maybe even Guantanamo. Hell, if he's there, we're gonna' have to move fast on the Pirate map.