Music Ain't for Wussies

[Aaron Burr]

Fug. Every time we go down the Chinese hooker route I get hungry.

So basically, what we're all saying is that IronSmith is knee deep in Chinese blow up dolls and oiled up watermelons. The man is a menace to every decent thought and impulse.

Normally that would put him right in line for a raise, but since he's not here I'm snagging his front row parking space and stealing whatever snacks he has hidden in his desk.

ON EDIT: It's all psychedelic mushrooms, blotter paper and Jack Daniels. I'm going out to the gun range to meeebble morph ramplefuse....whoa! I guess I should have eaten something first......

[poolhall_junkie]

gentle men must we sink to the level of hookers? what happened to the American institution of one night stands? All over this country college kids are going out on friday nights and paying what little money they have to get into a club or put gas in their tanks to make it to a friends house just to get good and liquored up and wake up with what they thought was an itallian super model the night before next to them when they wake up and it turns out to be a chubby freshman with a retainer looking to cope with her daddy issues. what happened to that America?
you make me sad gentle men

p.s. why get third world hookers? if you get a plane ticket to australia you get your pick of the lot because apparently aussies treat there women like **** and if you are half ass nice to em they'll be all over you.

[Aaron Burr]

Hey, I just eat those inscrutable (yet tasty) lil' rice pickers. IronSmith is the one with the insatiable yellow lust.

Or maybe he's just looking for a cheap source of labor for his dirt mine.

In any event, I concur. We need to be taking more advantage of the gullibility of our nations youth. Also, after last November, we now have that revenge factor working in our favor.

Aussie women? I've been there. Try New Zealand instead.

[Aaron Burr]

Ah....maybe you should try...um...Sweden. Turns out New Zedland is kinda nutty.

Making Daddy Proud

Oh yeah, and since this thread supposedly has something to do with music, I'm left with no option other than to point out the girl may be a virgin, but she most likely already plays a mean skin flute.

[Eupher]

Originally Posted by Aaron Burr

Ah....maybe you should try...um...Sweden. Turns out New Zedland is kinda nutty.

Making Daddy Proud

Oh yeah, and since this thread supposedly has something to do with music, I'm left with no option other than to point out the girl may be a virgin, but she most likely already plays a mean skin flute.

The skin flute jokes are kinda old. And they really don't tell the story. If ya wanna get serious about New Zealanders, ya gotta go to bassoons. I'm tellin' ya, ya gotta go bassoons.

You have to make sure you get the right bocal, though. It can't be too short and it can't be too long -- otherwise, you're out of tune. If you go the virgin route, you can scar that girl for life if you're out of tune.

In a pinch you could go with an English horn. The bell on that puppy is almost ideal, but the bocal is a little small for servicing the New Zealand virgin chick. If you went with an English horn, you just might leave her wanting more and if there's something you really, truly don't want, don't leave her wanting. She'll climb on the next Qantas flight outta there and she shows up on your doorstep -- not good, especially when your wife answers the door.

[Aaron Burr]

Mrs. Burr is an intemperate redhead with a conceal and carry permit. If some foreign trollop showed up at Casa De Burr, I'm pretty sure I'd wind up with yet another co-ed in the trunk of the Impala.

Also, this thread is getting seriously derailed. We need more sladerifacation regrading IronSmith and his alleged peccadilloes regarding oiled up watermelons, Chinese blow up dolls and...um...French horns.

Yup. His depravity knows no bounds.

[Dont tread on me]

I thought that the horny asian girls would have made old Ironsmith surface, but to no travail. The last we heard from him I think someone made a accuspicion of his Canadian caper, and blew his cover. Alas he is probably running guns to Mexico or smuggling (sax playing) Missionaries into Europe.

[Eupher]

Originally Posted by Dont tread on me

I thought that the horny asian girls would have made old Ironsmith surface, but to no travail. The last we heard from him I think someone made a accuspicion of his Canadian caper, and blew his cover. Alas he is probably running guns to Mexico or smuggling (sax playing) Missionaries into Europe.

Last I heard, capers usually come from the Mediterranean. Is Ironsmith of Maltese or Sicilian parentage? That might explain it.

Running guns anywhere, especially Mexico, is pretty dangerous. Trigger sears aren't meant to withstand the jogging/impact effect. I'd suggest Ironsmith get himself a pair of really comfortable Nikes, or even New Balance running shoes (especially if he has wide feet).

And I don't even wanna talk about sax-playing Missionaries. Whether they're playing on Van Dorens or Rico Royal reeds, the end effect is the same. They're out of tune and the wireless mics don't work because they've dropped a stack of Bibles on 'em. Do you realize how expensive those things are?

We'll have to send up a special dispensation to God, cloaked in the form of a purchase order to get more mics. St. Peter ain't gonna be happy.

And everybody knows you only get two or three good reeds out of a box of Rico Royals. It's just that way.

[Eupher]

Originally Posted by Aaron Burr

Mrs. Burr is an intemperate redhead with a conceal and carry permit. If some foreign trollop showed up at Casa De Burr, I'm pretty sure I'd wind up with yet another co-ed in the trunk of the Impala.

Also, this thread is getting seriously derailed. We need more sladerifacation regrading IronSmith and his alleged peccadilloes regarding oiled up watermelons, Chinese blow up dolls and...um...French horns.

Yup. His depravity knows no bounds.

Is he oiling up the watermelons or is he oiling up the nether regions of those Chinese blow up dolls?

I'm asking for a friend.

[Aaron Burr]

IronSmith is pretty oily all on his own. I figure that's why it's so hard for federal law enforcement to keep him safely behind bars. On the other hand, he's also fairly easy to keep track of. Just follow the greasy cheese burger wrappers and Panda brand cigarette trail to the nearest massage parlor.

On a lighter...um...note. I did hear the man plays a mean left handed xylophone.